My Desideratum
by GemmaKathryn
Summary: Mineral Town and Sunshine Islands are the settings of this Graire story. With Gray suddenly back in her life can Claire really trust him to stay? Will a trip to visit her brother give her the distance she needs to figure it out and go back to Mineral Town and Gray or will she find love where she never expected to?
1. Chapter 1

"And that is why Cliff is the best boyfriend ever!" Ann gushes. I sigh, I've been living in Mineral Town for three years now and what do I have to show for it? Okay, to be honest I have a lot to show for it. I have six chickens, four cows, three sheep, and a field full of crops. Well, not currently because nothing grows in winter, but that wasn't the issue. The issue was that everyone else has someone to spend the Starry Night Festival with and I was going to spend it alone. Of course Ann had invited me to spend it with her, Doug, and Cliff. And Elli had invited me to spend it with Ellen, Stu, and Trent. But I don't want to impose on anyone. The Starry Night Festival should be spent with family, and I don't have family here. Or a boyfriend for that matter, but there's just nobody here who is single. Of course I like someone but they have a girlfriend, or at least I think they are dating. It's hard to say. "So what about you Claire? You never talk about boys!"

"I know Ann, but there's just nobody out there who-"

"Appeals to you?" Ann looks around and lowers her voice. "Claire I never see you with anybody and you've never even told me who you like. I've known you for almost four years and nothing. No insight into your type or anything. Are you, you know?"

"No!" I cut off Ann's question before she could ask it. "I like men."

"Oh," Ann fidgets nervously, obviously embarrassed by her question. "So then are you going to ask anyone to the Starry Night Festival?"

"No."

"Why? Don't you like anybody?"

"Sure I do but-"

"Then you have to ask them! Who is it?" Ann implores me to answer her question flashing her biggest bluest eyes at me.

"It's nobody Ann. Really, and they already have plans anyways."

"I don't care tell me who it is!" I can't help but sigh. Ann is scowling at me and I have to suppress the urge to laugh. She's not very intimidating and when she scowls she looks like a four year old. But I can't tell her that, she's trying her very best to look intimidating and pissed off.

"It's-" _Ding ding!_ Phew! Saved by the bell, literally!

"Hello Gray!" Ann greets him cheerfully.

"Hi," Gray nods at Ann. I smile weakly and he quickly disappears up the stairs without a further glance, or any, at me.

"What was that all about?" Ann demands.

"Oh nothing," I sigh.

"It's like you two are ignoring each other on purpose. Did something happen?" How can I tell Ann? That when I'd first moved in Gray had opened up to me about not feeling good enough, and I thought I had helped him. He'd made me a brooch for listening to him. I'd foolishly thought that it would develop into something but it never did. Now he had Mary and I had nobody.

"It's nothing Ann-"

"Oh my gosh! You like him!" Ann's eyes widen. I decide it's best to stay silent, because she will know if I'm lying if I tell her I don't and if I tell her I do she will try to have a big heart to heart about it. "You should ask him to the Starry Night Festival!"

"I'm pretty sure he's going to be with Mary that night Ann," I can't help my scowl.

"Well you never know until you ask! Go talk to him!" Ann is literally shoving me off my chair and towards the stairs.

"Ann are you crazy? It's been years since we've had a real conversation!"

"Wait, what?" Ann halts in her tracks and drags me back to the counter.

"Oh Ann I don't want to talk about it!" I whine.

"Tell me! Please? I tell you everything," Ann pleads, giving me her biggest doe eyes. I roll my eyes.

"We talked a lot the first year I was here. He made me this brooch-" Ann's eyes widen.

"You wear that all the time!" Ann gasps. I nod. "I don't get it! What happened?"

"I don't know, he just stopped coming by and we stopped talking," I shrug.

"But you still have feelings for him?" Ann asks.

"Yes," I decide to tell her the truth. What's the worst that could happen? He could find out, but we don't talk anyways so he's not likely to bring it up.

"Claire!" Ann groans. "All this time and I'm just finding this out now? You need to go up there and talk to him! Mary or no, you two had a history! If I'd known about this when it was going on…" Ann shakes her head.

"It's okay, I really don't need a man in my life," but even as I'm saying the words I just don't feel the conviction of them. The truth is I do want a man in my life.

"You have to go talk to him Claire! You're obviously still holding on to him and how do you know he's not doing the same?" Ann is looking earnestly into my eyes and I want to believe that there's a chance that somehow Gray still has feelings for me. But he spends everyday at the library, and there's just no way he hasn't developed feelings for Mary. It's no secret that she has feelings for him.

"Ann!" Doug shouts from somewhere in the back, saving me from further conversation on this topic.

"Coming dad!" Ann shouts. She turns back to me, the concern in her eyes evident. "Oh Claire, you have to talk to him! We'll talk more about this later. This conversation is not finished!"

"Please keep this between us!" I plead.

"I will." I sigh and glance at the stairs. Maybe I should just get it over with and talk to him, I know that if I don't do it Ann will force me. I take a deep breath and head up the stairs. What am I doing? I'm standing at his door having no idea what to say. Tentatively, I knock. There is no answer and I wait. And wait. And wait. I let out a long breath and am secretly glad he didn't answer the door. As I turn to leave the door abruptly opens. The surprise on Gray's face is evident. I notice he isn't wearing a hat, and only a towel covering his essentials. I blush scarlet.

"Did you need something?" Gray just stares at me. I can't read his expression, but his eyebrows are furrowed in confusion.

"I-" this was a mistake. What am I doing here? Why did I subject myself to this ordeal? I can't even blame Ann.

"Why don't you come in while I go put on some clothes," Gray leaves the door wide open and walks into the bathroom. I peek inside and breath a sigh of relief, as we are alone. I sit down on one of the chairs beside a small desk. I absentmindedly drum my fingers along the white surface. Gray is back quickly, pulling a shirt over his head. He really is very attractive, extremely well toned with surprisingly tanned skin. Not that he's as dark as Kai, but he isn't pasty like me either. "So what can I do for you?"

"It's just been awhile. Since, you know, we've talked," I trace circles with my finger, not willing to look up at him. His gaze is just so… intense.

"Is there something you wanted to say?"

"Why did we stop talking?" I look up at Gray's surprised face.

"I don't know, you stopped talking to me. I never saw you at the shop anymore so I assumed-"

"You assumed what? You're the one who stopped talking to me!" I glower at him. This was not how I wanted this conversation to go but I just feel so angry! "You never came by on your afternoons off anymore so I thought you didn't want to see me."

Gray looks at me dumbfounded, rendered speechless. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." There is a long awkward pause before Gray moves to sit down on the edge of his bed.

"So do you have plans for the Starry Night Festival?" Gray looks at me expectantly.

"No, just the usual. Do my chores, and maybe indulge in eating cake for dinner." The corners of Gray's mouth lift into a soft smile. "What about you? Do you have plans?"

"I guess so, Mary is coming to the shop and it'll be the two of us and Saibara," Gray shrugs.

"So you and her are a thing?" I hold my breath waiting for an answer. Please say no, please say no, please say no.

"I guess, that's what everybody says anyways," Gray scowls at the floor in an almost comically childish way. He's still not wearing his hat, but he looks really good without it.

"Do you like her?" I ask.

Gray shrugs. "I guess so. We spend a lot of time together."

"Are you going to get married?" I blurt out. Why did I say that?

"Um," Gray looks at me as if imploring me to take back my question. "I don't know."

"Oh," I can't look at him anymore. Him and Mary, married and with children… It's not an image I wish to dwell on very long. Cliff strides through the open door interrupting our conversation. Part of me is thankful, I don't want to keep talking about Gray and Mary.

"H-hello Claire. I didn't know you'd be up here. I h-hope I'm not interrupting anything," Cliff stutters. Even after all this time Cliff is painfully shy around me. It's getting better, but I don't think he'll ever be entirely comfortable around girls.

"Um, no it's fine. I was just saying hi," I smile at Cliff and quickly peek at Gray's impassive face. "Er, see you later Gray." I quickly bolt down the stairs, almost running into Ann's surprised face.

"You're still here?" Ann asks.

"Um, yeah just saying hello…"

"How did it go?" Ann can't hide her curiosity. Damn, I'm really not in the mood to talk about my trip to Gray-and-Mary-ville.

"Oh alright," I sigh in defeat and know it's futile to keep anything from Ann. "He's dating Mary."

"Did he say that?" Ann looks both concerned and surprised.

"He didn't have to. It's obvious, he's crazy for her," I scowl at Ann, willing her to stop this line of questioning. I really don't want to talk about it!

"How can you be sure then if he never said so?"

"Ann I really have to go home now. We can talk about this later," or never.

"Okay, but this conversation isn't over!" Ann declares. I roll my eyes at her and walk home. It's eerily silent as I walk onto my farm. I pause and look over the white void that is seemingly endless, only broken up by the dark brown horizon that is the forest. I let out a breath that condenses in the air. I wonder if I should stay in Mineral Town. I mean I'd like to but the truth is it's lonely running a farm all by myself. I've thought about moving back to the city but after falling in love with this farm I know I'd never be able to. With a heavy heart I trudge through the snow into my house, doing the monotonous evening tasks around the house and falling into a troubled sleep riddled with disturbing dreams, tossing and turning, and several abrupt wake ups.


	2. Chapter 2

After finishing with my chickens I decide to indulge myself and have a bath. It's Saturday afternoon, winter twenty-fourth. Days since my encounter with Gray, which is almost forgotten. I peel off the layers of clothing until I'm in my leggings and tank top and start to work on running a bath, filling it with all sorts of good smelling bath oils. I quickly make a pot of boiling water, intending to take a cup of tea with me while I enjoy my bath. I'm just turning the stove on when there's a knock at the door. Odd, I'm not expecting anyone. I open it to find the foreign face of Kai, without even so much as a coat.

"Kai!" I shout in surprise and quickly pull him into the house. "Jeez you must be freezing! What's wrong with you it's the middle of winter!"

"W-well I d-don't h-have a-any winter c-clothes," Kai says through chattering teeth.

"I'm making a pot of tea, in the meantime you can go grab the blanket off my bed!" I send him to get the blanket while I stop the bath from running. I sigh as it drains, I was so looking forward to this. As I approach the kitchen I notice a shivering Kai bundled up shaking sitting on one of the stools. The kettle is whistling and I hastily pour it into two cups with tea bags. Kai wraps his hands around the cup and sighs. "So Kai, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

"Well, I need to stay here overnight," Kai says. I raise an eyebrow at him.

"That's kind of short notice don't you think?"

"Yes but you can keep a secret better than anyone else I know and nobody will see me walking through town if I stay here."

"What have you done?" I ask, imagining Kai as a running fugitive. Somehow the image just didn't fit, Kai was too happy-go-lucky to commit any serious crime except perhaps womanizing every female who came within ten yards.

"It's what I'm going to do," Kai grins.

"What?" I ask, confused.

"I'm going to ask Popuri to marry me!" My mouth drops open in shock.

"Congratulations! But that doesn't really explain why you're here now. In the winter," I say.

"I just wanted her to know that I would drop everything for her. You know, even move to Mineral Town."

"That's very sweet of you Kai," I smile and move around to sit beside him. "So let's see the ring!"

"Ring?" Oh right. No ring, just a blue feather.

"Nevermind, still used to the city traditions I guess," Kai grins.

"So what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Is there anybody special in your life?" Kai raises and eyebrow suggestively. What is this everybody ask about my personal life day?

"No there isn't," I look Kai straight in the eye.

"I really can't believe that Claire, don't you like anyone?" Kai looks at me incredulously. Honestly! It must be inveigle information out of Claire about her love life day. Or lack thereof.

"No Kai I don't," I sigh and move around the counter. "What do you want to eat for dinner?"

"Don't change the subject!" Kai glares at me.

"Fine then, I'll choose," I mutter, turning my back to him and opening a cupboard. Hmm, maybe pasta.

"I think you need a man. It's so lonely out here."

"I like to think of it as peaceful. A safe haven to hide away from people like you," I shoot Kai an angry look.

"You don't really mean that you'd miss me if you never got to see me again! And now you'll get to see me all the time because I'll be living here!" I can hear the grin in Kai's voice but am choosing to ignore it.

"I'm making pasta with tomato sauce for dinner," I declare.

"Fine by me!" And just like that, we slip into an easier conversation.

Dinner is served with cheese and wine and I smile as I raise my glass. "A toast to you, and your future fiancée-wife. Congratulations Kai!"

"She hasn't said yes yet," Kai reminds me. I smile and clink my glass with his.

"So are you going to take her on a honeymoon after the wedding?" I ask, taking a sip of the delicious red wine.

Kai gives me a don't-be-stupid look. "If she says yes and we do get married I'll take her to this island I know, it has fabulous beaches."

"I'd like to go somewhere with a fabulous beach," I muse. I briefly allow me to fantasize that I'm getting married to the man of my dreams and he's taking me on an island getaway…

"One day you might," Kai reassures me. Only it isn't reassuring. Not at all. If I stay in Mineral Town I will spend the rest of my life alone. I won't ever get the chance to have my dream wedding or go anywhere fabulous on a honeymoon.

"Maybe," I quickly set to work on clearing the table, downing the last of my wine and collecting Kai's glass as well. "Do you want more wine?"

"No thanks, I think I'm actually going to bed. It's been a long day," Kai gets up from the table and stretches out.

"Oh okay, well I'm just going to finish up the dishes if you want to use the bathroom. Feel free to shower, make yourself at home!" Kai disappears into the bathroom and I sigh, scrubbing at the sauce that is baked onto the pot. My mind wanders as I finish the dishes. What should I do? Should I stay in Mineral Town doing what I love, but with nobody to love? Or should I go in search of someone to love but abandon what I love doing? Oh it's all so confusing. As I put away the rest of the dishes I decide I'll watch some TV. I find the remote and switch on the television

to distract myself. The weather channel comes on informing me of an impending blizzard tomorrow. Oh no! Will Kai be able to make it to Popuri? Kai comes out of the bathroom in purple silk pajamas. I almost laugh, it seems ridiculous for someone who only spends his time in tropical climates to have long sleeved long pants pajamas. "It's supposed to blizzard tomorrow."

"Oh no! That's terrible! Do you know when it's supposed to start?" I shake my head. Kai groans. "Hm, well I'll leave early then. Wake me up when you get up please."

"I get up at four thirty every morning Kai," Kai's mouth drops open in shock but he quickly closes it.

"Um, maybe wake me up at six or seven then," Kai says sheepishly.

"Of course," I smile. "So the bed is all made for you."

"Nah, I'll take the couch! You're good enough to let me stay like this I don't want to kick you out of your own bed!" Kai's face is sincere.

"You don't have to ask me twice! The sofa is a pull out, but it's really uncomfortable. It might be better if you just sleep on the sofa as is."

"I'll pull it out I don't think I'll fit on the couch! And," Kai grins. "I'm used to worse, way worse. I'm sure it won't be that bad." Then I remember Kai usually sleeps on the cold metal beds covered with cheap foam on boats and suddenly the pull out couch doesn't seem so uncomfortable. I bid Kai goodnight, leaving him with sheets and a duvet to make up his bed and retreat into my room. I contemplate having that bath, but it's just too late. I hastily shower in my ensuite and brush my teeth, not bothering to dry my hair with a blow dryer. It's super noisy and would disturb Kai and frankly I'm just too tired. I lay in bed tossing and turning all night trying to sleep but it just won't come. Everybody in this town is going to get married, and I'm going to end up alone.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh no!" I groan. "Kai, Kai wake up!" Kai grumbles incoherently as I shake him awake. "Kai get up!"

"Jeez it feels early what time is it?" Kai mumbles, throwing his arm over his eyes.

"It's five o'clock but that's not the point! Get up and look outside!" I urge Kai, shoving him up and out of bed. Kai stumbles clumsily to the window.

"Goddess! Look at it outside! I have to go! I have to- Popuri!" Kai scrambles, now clearly wide awake, in a panic to get his clothes.

"You're not going anywhere it's not worth it!" I grab his arm effectively halting him. "You'll just be lost in the storm wandering around or worse. It's not worth it! The storm will die down and you'll be able to get there when it's over."

"Everything is ruined!" Kai flops down on the bed and I roll my eyes at the bravado. Kai is so very melodramatic, on one hand it's entertaining, on the other exhausting.

"Everything will be fine! The storm might die down by the end of the day. Even if it doesn't you're still here and you can explain everything to her later. Do you want some breakfast now that you're up?"

"How am I supposed to eat? All I can think about is the disappointment Popuri will feel when-" I groan and tune Kai's melodrama out. Honestly! It's not the end of the world. He will still get to propose to her even if his romantic ideas about proposing on the Starry Night Festival were ruined by the storm. I turn my attention to breakfast. Hmm, what should I make that Kai will eat? Immediately I hunt through the kitchen to find some bowls and fruit, carefully dicing the fruit and placing a bowl deliberately on the coffee table right in front of Kai. Immediately he stops his whining and eats his fruit. Pineapples are always Kai's weakness. I smile at my cleverness. "This is delicious!"

"You sound so surprised! I grew these myself!" I feign hurt.

"Well you're great! And great for letting me stay here you know," Kai smiles. We sit in comfortable silence eating our breakfast. _BANG!_ There's a whirring sound and the power goes dead. "What was that?"

"Power outage," I shrug. "It happens."

"No wonder I hate wintertime," Kai grumbles. "Now there's going to be no heat!"

"Oh keep your shirt on! Power outages happen in the summer too you know. We'll survive, I have a fireplace," I mutter, grabbing some wood from the cabinet and starting a fire.

"Where's your dog?" Kai asks, coming up behind me and leaning on the kitchen counter.

"He's in the stable with the horse," I smile reassuringly. "Don't worry he's safe. All my animals are. I always keep extra food out just in case something like this happens."

"Good, good," Kai says distractedly. What am I supposed to say to him? He's so completely torn up over Popuri and not being able to see her today. Hm, what can I do to cheer him up? I grab the kettle off the stove and pour some water into it.

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" I ask Kai.

"Yes please, I love hot chocolate!" Kai's eyes light up and I know that, for now at least, we can talk about something else and he won't be quite so depressed.

"When is this going to be over?" Kai whines. I sigh and put my book down for the umpteenth time today.

"I don't know Kai," I say, irritation clear in my voice. He glares at me sourly, his child-like impatience showing through. A sharp pounding on the door interrupts our glaring contest.

"Is that- a person?" Kai looks nervously at the door.

"I don't know what it is, it could just be a branch," I shrug.

"What if it's a person?"

"It's not a person."

"How do you know?" Kai asks, staring earnestly at me.

"If it is a branch and I open the door, we could be trapped in the house with an open door and no way to close it. Then we'll freeze to death," I reply, adding just the right amount of bravado to my voice. "But keep your shirt on, I'll look out the window and see if I can see anything."

Kai follows me to the window and peers over my head as we try to see something through the white void. There is more pounding on the door and a muffled shout that can clearly be heard over the roaring of the wind. I quickly go to the door.

"Kai I need you to stand behind me and hold the door," I instruct him, dragging him by the arm.

"Do you think its Popuri?" Kai asks hopefully.

"Why would it be Popuri? She doesn't know you're here remember? And would you really want her to be here with the storm?" I look at him in exasperation before turning back to the door. "Ready?"

"Go for it," I steel myself and try to resist the door as I open it, but the wind is too strong and it knocks me into Kai. Kai pushes against the door and me and I squint to see who is at my door.

"It doesn't look like there's anybody there!" I shout at Kai over the wind. Suddenly someone comes through the white. "Gray!" I shout, and pull him into the house. Kai waits for a break in the wind to slam the door shut and lock it. Gray stands shivering with his arms wrapped around himself. He's only wearing his thin jacket and work pants. His lips are blue and he looks like he's in shock. "Kai we've got to warm him up! Go get some blankets out of the closet or off my bed!"

"Right!" Kai shouts and bolts towards my bedroom.

"Gray? Gray are you okay?" I approach him and reach out to touch his forehead. He's cold as ice.

"C-c-c-c-" Gray is in no state to speak I realize.

"No, no, don't speak. Come on sit down," I wrap an arm around him and guide him to the chair in front of the fireplace.

"I've got the blankets," Kai is back and I quickly wrap Gray in four blankets. He sits in the chair, shivers violently wracking his body.

"I don't think this is going to help much, I'm going to run him a bath."

"A bath!" Kai shakes his head in disgust.

"Yes a bath. Unless you want to strip naked and cuddle with him!" I snap. Kai gives me a sour look but I stalk off into the bathroom and fill the tub, dissolving some Epsom salts in it. Trying not the think of the fact that a naked Gray is going to be in my bathtub I make my way back to the living room. Gray looks awful, and is turning a strange shade of grey; he's even paler than I am. I gently touch his cheek; it's as cold as ice! "Gray I've run you a bath. It'll help you get warm. Do you need help?"

Gray nods and follows me into the bathroom swathed with blankets. His teeth are still chattering and his lips are still blue. I stop the water from running and turn to see Gray trying to undo the zipper on his thin tan jacket, but it's hopeless as his fingers are frozen.

"Here let me," I murmur as I slide the zipper down. I slowly slide off his jacket and follow with his shirt. Chills are still wracking his body and I steel myself for what's coming next. "I'm going to help you out of your pants. Shake your head if you don't want me to." Gray doesn't motion with his head or make a move to stop me as I carefully undo the button and zipper of his tan pants. I slide them down his legs and he steps out of them. "Are you okay now?"

Gray nods. "T-t-t-th-"

"Shhh," I put my hand on his lips, imploring him to stop talking. As I leave I close the door behind me. I wait until I hear the sloshing of the water to venture into the kitchen where Kai is sitting.

"That was," Kai struggles to find the right word. "Unusual."

"What's unusual?" I ask.

"You and Gray?" Kai raises an eyebrow.

"What? No, not me and Gray," Scowling, I pick through the fridge. "I'm thinking baked corn for dinner?"

"Because it's Gray's favorite?"

"No! Because I have corn here and since the power is out I can make it over the fire."

"Someone's being defensive," Kai mutters.

"I'm not, I'm just explaining to you why we're having baked corn for dinner since it seems to need an explanation according to you."

"Why didn't you ask me to go help him in the bathroom?" Kai asks. That's a good question. Why didn't I?

"I- I just thought that you'd be uncomfortable with it," I stammer.

"Do you like him?"

"Sure I do, he's a nice guy what's not to like?" I ask, but my high-pitched voice betrays me.

"You do like him! Oh my god, tell me everything!" Kai perks right up and sits on a stool by the counter, waiting expectantly.

"You know Kai, if I didn't know better I would think you were gay."

"Good thing you know better then right?" Kai winks. I sigh and decide to tell Kai, because if I don't tell him he will eventually find out. Besides, I've already told Ann and if Ann tells Popuri…

"Gray made me this brooch," I point to the blue and silver object adorning the strap of my overalls.

"You wear that all the time," Kai's eyes widen. I feel like I'm experiencing deja vu.

"When I first moved here I talked to Gray more than anybody else. And he, well I thought he was opening up to me. But I guess I was wrong because after he gave me this he stopped coming by and when I went to see him he was never at the Inn. I guess he'd moved on."

"What do you mean opening up to you?"

"Confiding in me about issues at work, or with Saibara. Sometimes he'd just come by to tell me about what he made that day, but sometimes he'd talk about his past and-"

"Wait, Gray talked to you about his past?" Kai asks, looking at me incredulously.

"Yes, that's what I said," I reply agitatedly. "I realized after awhile that when I went to the Inn to look for him that he was going to the library. I guess he talks to a lot of people about his past. I realized that what I thought was something special really wasn't." Kai is giving me a weird look. "What?"

"I've known Gray for a very long time. He's never talked to me about his past, never, not once. He doesn't talk to anybody about that kind of thing and especially not about Saibara. What did he say to you?"

"Maybe I shouldn't-"

"Oh come on you know I can keep a secret," Kai pleads with his biggest puppy dog eyes.

"I guess everyone thinks him and Saibara don't get along but Gray was working really hard to earn his respect. He said that that was all he wanted, was respect. Gray is an angry person, but I don't think he's fed up with Saibara. I just think he has serious issues that make him want to work hard to gain approval."

"Wow," Kai looks blown away. "Gray, talking to you. He must really love you."

"Yeah, that's why he stopped talking to me and started avoiding me," I snap.

"Claire you can't give up on Gray. I've never known him to confide in anybody. Not even Mary. He's just scared, probably of his feelings for you. You have to believe me Claire," Kai is looking at me with his puppy face again and I look away and start rummaging through the fridge again.

"Yeah well I'll believe you when he tells me that. I should go check on him though, or you can do it," I ask, raising an eyebrow at Kai.

"No, that's all you," Kai looks at me suggestively.

"Husk the corn," I scowl, shoving a bowl of corn at him. I turn on my heel and make my way for the bathroom. I knock. "Gray? Gray how are you doing in there?" There is no reply so I open the door and peek my head in. Gray is fast asleep in the tub. I dip a finger in the water and find it lukewarm. That isn't going to help him get warm. I lay my hand across his forehead, it's warm, much too warm. I gently shake him awake. "Gray, Gray."

"Mmmm, wnnnz, hnnnph," Gray moans incoherently as he comes to. He blinks a few times before focusing on my face. Quickly he sits up, sloshing water all over the floor. "Claire!"

"Glad to see you're up!" I'm very careful only to look at his face. "I just wanted to come see how you were doing."

"Um, thanks," Gray's cheeks burn bright red as he discreetly covers himself.

"I'll bring you some warm clothes to put on. There's some towels to dry off with, so you can make yourself at home," I smile and quickly leave the bathroom, trying not to make the situation more awkward than is already is.


	4. Chapter 4

"He's asleep," closing the bedroom door quietly I look out the window. "I wonder what he was doing out there."

"Searching for you," Kai says seriously.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure that's it. How is the corn coming?" I ask in hopes that Kai will let it go.

"I think it's ready whenever you want to eat it. Are you going to talk to him?"

"Of course I'm going to talk to him. He's stuck in my house during a blizzard!" I hiss at Kai.

"That's not what I mean and you know it," Kai glares at me.

"No I'm not going to talk to him about anything that has to do with me. I'm starving let's eat."

"This conversation is not over!"

"There's nothing left to say," I glare at Kai and begin to set the table.

"Dang, you're a good cook," Kai licks his lips satisfied.

"You sound surprised," I feign hurt as I clear away our plates. "Do you want dessert?"

"Do I want dessert, is that really a question?" Kai gives me a don't be stupid look.

"Right, well what would you like?" One look at Kai's face and I already know. "Nevermind, that wasn't a question either. Vanilla ice cream with pineapples." I get to work making his dessert, busying myself in the task barely listening to Kai's incessant chattering about the island he's going to take Popuri to. I smile and set down dessert on the table for him and try, really try, to concentrate on what he's saying but I can't. My mind keeps wandering. Why was Gray out in the storm? Is it just a coincidence that he ended up at my house?

"Don't even get me started on the- Claire, Claire! Are you even listening?" Kai snaps his fingers in front of my face.

"What? Yes, sorry you're talking about restaurants?"

"Nice try," Kai smirks. "What are you thinking about?"

"Just-" I start, interrupted as I catch sight of Gray out of the corner of my eye. "Hey, good to see you up. How are you feeling? Do you want something to eat?" I make myself busy in the kitchen with Gray's dinner while he sits in my chair at the table.

"Why are you here Kai? Are you two," Gray looks from Kai to me and back again.

"No!" Kai and I both shout at the same time. I turn back to what I'm doing, figuring it's best to let Kai explain.

"I came to propose to Popuri, it was supposed to be a surprise for the Starry Night Festival but then the snowstorm hit," Kai shrugs. "What happened to you?"

"Got stuck in the mine," Gray grumbles. I casually slide a plate in front of him and he folds the napkin over his lap. "I didn't think it was this bad but as soon as I was out I couldn't find my way back to the mine. I guess it was luck that I ended up here."

"Lucky Claire is here to take care of you," Kai stares pointedly at me.

"So should we talk about sleeping arrangements?" I ask, my voice squeaky and high pitched. Damn I need to try and keep my cool. "Gray can have my bed."

"Where will you sleep? In your bed too?" Kai asks suggestively. I stare him down, but he just smiles.

"I thought I'd sleep out here in the chair, so you can have the couch," I say, with more force than I mean, to Kai.

"I can sleep in the chair so you can sleep in your bed," Gray speaks up, apparently a little annoyed that we are making arrangements for him while he's sitting right there.

"But you're sick! You have a fever," I protest. "You can have my bed, there's new sheets on it. I'm not taking no for an answer." I say with finality.

"I don't want to kick you out of your bed," Gray starts to protest.

"So don't. Sleep with her," Kai says, oblivious to the fact that he's making things more awkward than they need to be.

"I'll sleep out here," I interject, carefully watching Gray's face. Gray is shoveling food into his mouth, his cheeks aflame. Several minutes of painstaking silence go by before Gray finishes his dinner.

"Do you want dessert? There's vanilla ice cream or chocolate cake or-" I start the long list of junk food that occupies my fridge and freezer.

"I'm okay," Gray looks into my eyes. I break eye contact first, feeling an odd chill in the air and I'm suddenly drained and bone tired. "I'll start on the dishes."

"Just leave them," I say. "I'll do them."

"I want to do them. It's the least I can do since I," Gray struggles to finish his sentence. "I'll help you."

Gray's blue eyes pierce mine and I find myself agreeing. "Okay, we can do them together." My voice is soft and I quickly clear my throat.

"Why don't you let us do the dishes and you can go shower," Kai suggests.

"No, you go shower," I protest.

"We can handle it right Gray?" Kai insists.

"Yeah," Gray gives Kai a weird look. "You were nice enough to have us for dinner we should clean up for you."

"Well I guess, um, thanks," I say, at a loss for words. Kai and Gray, doing dishes in my kitchen. I want to take a picture, but that would probably ruin their generosity forever. I go into the bathroom and shower, trying to forget about any feelings that I ever shared with Gray.


	5. Chapter 5

What is taking her so long? I wait, somewhat anxiously I find, for her to come out of the bathroom. Why am I so anxious? Maybe it's because she's still wearing that brooch, the one that I spent painstaking hours on. Why is she still wearing it? After all this time… I'm filled with some unnamed emotion, tense and waiting for her to come out. Will she want to talk about it? Do I want to talk about it? I don't want to talk about it, I'm not good at talking about it, whatever it is. But Claire is… What? Worth it maybe. Claire emerges from the bathroom wearing a tank top and shorts.

"Aren't you cold?" I blurt out. Smooth Gray, smooth.

"Um," Claire blushes. "Do I look cold?"

"No! I wasn't, er," I stammer idiotically. "You just don't see people wearing shorts in the winter."

"Oh, well it's pretty warm in here. How are you feeling?" I can see the concern etched on Claire's beautiful face. Beautiful? Claire is very attractive but beautiful? Slowly she approaches me and gently places her hand on my forehead. "You're very warm. Maybe you should take something, I have some medicine if you want it."

"I'm okay," My skin tingles where her hand was and I have to stop myself from reaching out for her.

"Where's Kai?" I point to the couch where Kai is passed out, sprawled in every direction. Lazy idiot.

"Oh," Claire laughs, and it makes me smile even though I don't find it inherently funny. There is an awkward pause and Claire tries to fill the silence. "I was shocked seeing Kai show up here. Can you imagine Kai finally settling down?"

"It's going to be different," I snort. I've heard all of Kai's stories of all the girls he's been with. Popuri must be something special, even if I didn't see it.

"Soon you'll be permanent roommates," Claire grins. This isn't something I'd thought about in a lot of great detail. Kai, around all year long… Was that a good thing? Kai was an okay guy, but a little over the top at times.

"Great," I pour as much sarcasm as I can manage into the word. Claire smiles shyly, but it quickly fades. "What?"

"Nothing," Claire's gaze is seemingly fixated on the table.

"Tell me," I insist, more forcefully than I mean and Claire looks up, her eyes widening fractionally.

"I'm glad that I got to spend the Starry Night Festival with you two," Claire answers honestly.

"Better than spending it alone I imagine," what the hell is wrong with me? Claire looks deep in thought, chewing on her lip. Obviously the bit about the Starry Night Festival is not what she wanted to say. "Claire?"

"Are you ever going to get married?" What am I supposed to say to that?

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "Are you?"

"I have so many suitors breaking down my door," Claire glares angrily at the floor and her cheeks heat. "No I don't think so."

"I think you'll get married one day," I say in a moment of weakness upon seeing Claire so dejected. "You're smart and beautiful and-"

"I'm sorry you didn't get to spend the night with Mary," Claire blurts out.

"Er, it's really not a big deal," Claire gets up suddenly from the table and puts more wood on the fire.

"Well now that you two are exclusive," I can tell by her tone and the quietness of her voice that Claire is thinking aloud. Her brow creases and I am compelled to stand, for no apparent reason.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Did I really just ask that?

"Talk about what?" Claire snaps. "You and Mary?"

"No, about, what happened with us," Now I've done it. What kind of moron asks such a stupid question? Do I even want to talk about 'us'? Does she? Great job Gray, now she'll be creeped out and things will go back to the way they were. Is that what I want? To go back to not having Claire in my life? But even as I form the thought I already know the answer.


	6. Chapter 6

"N-Nevermind," Gray stammers, blushing furiously and looking away.

"What happened?" I ask. "With us."

"I don't know," Gray looks at me earnestly.

"Neither do I. Do you think that," I start, trying desperately to gauge his reaction. He's so stoic I can hardly tell. "Do you want to be friends again?"

"I don't know, do you?" Chewing on my bottom lip, I try desperately to think of something to say. "Is that what we were? Friends?"

"What do you think we were?" I ask. Gray doesn't look at me and I expect him to close up.

"I thought about coming to see you so many times. I wanted to but," Gray looks like he's searching for the words, but they just don't come. "And then you didn't come see me."

"I thought you didn't want to see me," looking into Gray's eyes… I'm at a loss. I can see emotion reflected in his eyes and I know I must be looking at him the same way.

"How could you ever think that? You were," Gray hesitates.

"I was?" I prompt him.

"You meant a lot to me," Gray finishes, but I can tell by the expression on his face that it didn't come out right.

"Meant?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Do you still, feel the same?" Gray asks, getting quieter with every word.

"I don't know Gray. It was a long time ago, and you abandoned me," I instantly regret my words, knowing the word abandoned strikes a nerve with Gray. He cringes and paces in front of the large window in the living room staring out into the sea of white.

"I guess I am just like-"

"No! You're not like him at all please don't think that! Not for a second Gray. I didn't mean it like that," I get up and start towards him.

"Then how did you mean it?" Gray turns sharply and I want to break eye contact, but his gaze is just so intense… I'm rooted to my spot.

"I- you just stopped seeing me. For no reason at all."

"You make me feel things Claire," Gray steps closer and I'm forced to look up at him, literally as he is taller than me; the top of my head barely comes up to his chin. "I get around you and I start talking. It's not something I'm used to."

"Is it a bad thing?" I ask boldly. Gray's brow creases, but his eyes soften.

"I don't know," he says honestly. "It makes me feel weak."

"Why?" I realize I'm holding my breath. Remember to breath Claire! I mentally coach myself. Get a grip!

"Would you think of me as strong if I wore my heart on my sleeve and whined about how hard life is?"

"Of course I would. I don't think you understand the meaning of friendship. That's what friends are for Gray, to get you through the difficult times. I don't always need to see you at your best, but that's why I'm here. I want to see the real you," I say quietly.

"When I look into your eyes I feel hopeful," Gray confesses.

"Hopeful? Hopeful of what?" I ask, bemused.

"Happiness," I can't believe the candid conversation that we are having right now. Who is this man and what has he done with Gray? Or, at least the Gray whose been ignoring me for the past three years. "When I'm near you I want to be a better person and a better blacksmith. There's something about you, I can't describe it. You make me feel…"

"I think I understand," I smile halfheartedly at him. "What about Mary?"

"Mary is a good friend, but I don't feel the way I feel around you with her. We've never actually been on a date," Gray adds quickly.

"So you aren't dating?" My heart stops as I wait for an answer.

"I don't want to be, I don't want to date anyone."

"Nobody? Not even me?" I ask bravely.

"When my father left I swore I'd never do that. But it turns out I am exactly like him. When things get difficult-"

"Stop it! You aren't anything like him Gray!"

"I could do so much worse to you. It's genetic."

"It's not genetic Gray. Your father was a seriously mentally ill man. You're not-"

"How do you know?" Gray demands. "How do you know I'm not exactly like him? What makes you so sure? Did you have to live with him for eight damn years while he came home every night so drunk he could barely stand? Did you suffer his abuse? Feel the bite of his belt?"

"Gray," I try to form a sentence, but my thoughts are scattered. Tears prick the back of my eyes, threatening to fall.

"If I could just leave you so easily then I know that I could do worse, much worse. I have to save everyone, and myself from that."

"No, you were scared. That's why you stopped talking to me," I swallow and bravely step closer, resting a hand on Gray's arm. His eyes widen infinitesimally. "You'd never hurt me."

"That a big risk to take," Gray say plainly. Looking into his eyes I see a scared boy, but I can tell that my touch has completely disarmed any anger.

"You're worth it," I slowly, almost exaggeratedly move closer and wrap my arms around his waist so that he knows my every intention. Gray stands still as a board, so I press my cheek into his chest. Inhaling deeply, I smell the scent that is Gray: a sweet scent laced with the musky smell of metal and sweat. I don't let him go, and after a few seconds I feel Gray's arms wind gingerly around me. I sigh as he rests his chin on top of my head, content.

"You're going to make me crazy," Gray let's out a breath that moves my hair and tickles my back. I shiver. "You must be exhausted after today."

"You're the one who almost died in a snowstorm!" I don't release Gray yet, but turn my head up to look at him.

"I think that's a little bit of an overstatement," Gray scowls.

"You didn't see yourself earlier," I sigh, burying my face in Gray's chest. "You looked awful. I really thought-"

Gray tilts my chin up to look at him. "I'm pretty tough when it comes to these things. Look at me now! I'm going to be alright."

"You have a fever Gray, you're getting sick."

"Are you a doctor now?" Gray asks, but his eyes are alight with humor.

"Yes, yes I am. And as your doctor I order you to go to bed! Now go!" I point towards the bedroom as Gray holds his hands up in defeat, smiling broadly.

"Okay, but can I make one request?"

"What's that?"

"Stay with me?"


	7. Chapter 7

I wake up in the morning warmer than usual. I squeeze one eye open and find Gray still sleeping. Taking a quick moment of reprise before getting up, I study Gray's face, memorizing every detail. His short curly blonde hair, tanned face that now has golden stubble sticking out, his lips… Sighing, I disentangle myself from Gray's embrace and leave the room, quietly closing the door behind me. Kai is still fast asleep on the couch, phew. It really wouldn't do for him to catch me sleeping with Gray. Especially now… Even after all of Grays revelations last night I'm still not sure if he's going to stay in my life. I want to believe that he will always be there for me, but I know if I let myself hope I might end up heartbroken. My mind is still wandering as I look despairingly out the window. The storm has let up but my farm is covered in drifts of snow. It will take me until summer to clear it all out.

"Good morning," Turning I see a smiling Gray, still wearing my too big for me but too small for him sweatpants and his shirt.

"Morning, looks like it's cleared up," I gesture to the window. Gray comes to stand beside me. "The weather that is. The farm, is a different story…"

"What time is it?" Gray asks. I glance at the clock in the kitchen.

"Seven o'clock. I slept later than usual."

"I should get back to the Inn to change before work," My heart stops. He can't be leaving already can he? What if he doesn't come back?

"Do you want breakfast?" I ask quickly. "I can make you something. Eggs? Pancakes? Bacon? Anything you want!"

"I don't want to impose, you've already been such a great hostess," Gray gives me a lopsided grin.

"It's no imposition at all! I promise," I can almost hear the hysteria in my voice. Why am I so concerned about him leaving? After last night… What was last night anyways?

"It's okay, if I don't eat at the Inn they don't give me a refund on the food. I've already paid for it."

"Oh, okay," I bite my lip and wander into the kitchen. "I have to start on breakfast for Kai then, I doubt he'll want to stick around here for long. You can use the bathroom if you want."

"That's okay, I'm just going to go. Do you want me to wash your pants?" Gray asks.

"No, you can leave them. One pair of pants isn't going to make a huge difference on laundry day," I laugh, but it's off. I can't turn around to look at him, not knowing if this could be the last time I'll see him.

"Okay, I'll just go change," I watch him disappear through the bedroom and let out a long breath that makes me shudder. I slowly peel the fruit for breakfast and try to think of what I should say to Gray. Please don't leave? Never come back? I'm torn. I turn just in time to see Gray exiting my room. We make eye contact but he doesn't smile. He looks like he's lost in thought.

"You should go to the clinic," I blurt out stupidly.

"You worry too much, I'm fine. I don't even have a fever anymore, you can check if you want."

"I believe you," What? Don't I want to check? I'd be able to touch him again… There is a long pause before the silence becomes too much for me. "I guess I'll see you around?"

"Claire-" Gray looks torn.

"It's okay," I plaster a fake smile on my face in reassurance.

"I'll see you?" Gray asks.

"I don't know," I answer truthfully. "Is this a good idea?"

"Is what a good idea?"

"Suddenly seeing each other again?" Gray looks pained.

"Do you want to see me again?" He asks.

"I don't know," I trail off. But inside I know I want to see him again. I'd cut off my own arm to be able to see him again.

"I understand," Gray looks as if I've slapped him. I can understand, but then he was the one who ignored me. "If you want to, you know where to find me."

"Gray," my voice is pleading but he is seemingly oblivious.

"I hope I'll see you again," Gray smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. I watch him leave, tongue tied and unable to protest. Why didn't you tell him how you really feel? My insides are screaming at me. I don't have an answer. I wish I did. I feel tears at the back of my eyes but quickly choke them down, knowing Kai will be up soon.


	8. Chapter 8

"Thank you so much for everything Claire! I won't forget this," Kai pulls me into a hug and kisses my cheek.

"It was an interesting few days, that's for sure," I smile adoringly at my friend. I'm very happy for him, despite my morning with Gray.

"You'll come to the wedding?" Kai asks hopefully.

"Am I invited to the wedding?"

"Of course!"

"Then I'll come," I beam at Kai.

"You can bring a date you know," Kai trails off.

"Leave it alone Kai," I sigh.

"Alright I know it's not my place to ask but are you alright? You seem… different this morning." Of all the times for Kai to be observant of someone other than himself! Now is not the time.

"I'm fine," I smile. "Now go ask her to marry you!"

"You don't have to ask me twice!" Kai waves and with a stupid grin on his face he practically runs to Poultry Farm.

I drift through my morning chores, all the while thinking about Gray. Should I go see him? Will he come see me? What are my feelings for him? After finishing with my animals I survey the massive snowdrift beside the chicken coop.

"Hey! Some snowstorm yesterday huh?"

"Zak!" I rush over to where Zak is unloading my shipment for the day. "It was crazy! You don't suppose the snow will melt any time soon? I think that by the time I finish shoveling it will be summer!"

"Yeah, you're probably right," Zak laughs. "Did you hear about Kai and Popuri?"

"I did," I try to keep a poker face and not give anything away. Hopefully Popuri never finds out Kai stayed two nights in my house.

"It's great huh?" Zak smiles. "Well that does it for me. You make my job easy!"

"Thanks," I smile and Zak leaves. It's already six o'clock. Where does the day go? I rummage through the fridge trying to find something to eat but I'm just not hungry. The phone rings, startling me, but I answer it.

"Hello?"

"Claire! How are you after the snowstorm?" Ann's voice comes through the crackly phone.

"I'm fine Ann."

Ann hesitates. "What's wrong?" Damn it. How can she tell?

"Nothing, I'm just really tired. I have no idea how I'm going to clear all the snow," I reply in hopes that she'll let it go.

"I'd be exhausted too! You know if you ever need anything-"

"I know Ann."

"The snow was crazy yesterday! Cliff and I spent the whole day together. Duke fell asleep here the night before so dad-" Ann launches into the tale of her day snowed in at the Inn with Cliff. I try to pay attention, but it's useless. Every so often I hear Cliff's name, or something about how passionate he is, and I really want to listen, but I can't. "Claire? Kai wants to talk to you."

"Okay," I snap back to reality and focus.

"Claire! She said yes!" Kai yells over the phone.

"I knew she would! Congratulations!"

"The wedding is on new years eve at six o'clock. You'll come?" Kai asks hopefully.

"I already told you I wouldn't miss it!"

"Great! I've got to go now but I'll come by!"

"My doors always open!" And with a click he's gone. I wonder if Ann will call back and guiltily hope she doesn't. I don't want to talk to anybody, I just want to be alone. Deep down I know that I really don't want to be alone, but there's only one person I want to see. At night I try to get some sleep, but I toss and turn and it feels like something is missing. Something that was here only last night…


	9. Chapter 9

"I can't believe we're getting married tomorrow!" Popuri squeals. Neither can I, I think to myself. Popuri is probably the most selfish, immature person I've ever met in my life. If it wasn't for Kai, I would openly dislike her. But Kai loves her and so she mustn't be all that bad.

"You're so lucky," Mary blushes shyly. I almost glare at her, but think better of it. My patience is wearing increasingly thin and I'm just barely containing my foul mood. Four days I waited to see if Gray would come see me and has he? No. I don't care if he said I should be the one to see him, if he really has feelings for me he'd come to me.

"I am aren't I?" Popuri giggles. We are interrupted as loud laughter bursts through the doors of the Inn. I instantly catch Gray's eye, but quickly look away.

"You guys can't be here!" Ann steams, immediately jumping up and blocking the entrance.

"Excuse me," Gray says to Ann. It isn't a request and Ann flounders for a moment before regaining her composure and yelling at Kai. Elli goes to talk to Trent, and soon Popuri and then Mary follow. Gray catches my eye and gestures with his chin out the back door. I nod and point to myself, then the front door. Gray sneaks out the back and I walk towards the crowd of people gathered in the entrance to the Inn, door wide open.

"It's getting late and I have to go, but I'll see you all tomorrow!" I say, trying to keep my voice down. My heart is racing in anticipation.

"Oh don't go already!" Popuri whines.

"Yes, stay Claire!" Elli smiles.

"I want to, but I have a lot of work to do before the wedding tomorrow," I smile. To my surprise and dismay Popuri flings herself at me and catches me in an awkward hug.

"Thank you so much for making my dress!" Popuri yells in my ear.

"No problem Popuri, it was the least I could do," I smile, trying to disentangle myself from Popuri's grasp. She let's me go and grins.

"See you tomorrow, don't be late!" She says seriously.

"I won't I promise. Bye guys!" I wave and everyone joins in a chorus of good-byes. I walk out the front door, closing it behind me as I do.

"You made Popuri's dress?" I jump as I turn to face an incredulous Gray who is leaning against the Inn.

"Yes, I can sew and she asked so," I shrug. Gray pushes away from the wall and steps closer to me. He gestures for me down the road and I start walking towards my house. It's cold and my breath condenses in the air. We walk in silence for most of the way there.

"Was it hard?" Gray asks casually.

"Was what hard?"

"Making her dress," Gray clarifies.

"Oh, no not really. It's really easy to make a tulle bottom and she wanted matching tulle on the top so I just-"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Gray cuts me off. I almost laugh.

"That's because you're an ignorant male," I smile up at him. Gray scowls at me but looking into his eyes makes me involuntarily shiver.

"Cold?" Gray asks. I shake my head. "Let's go inside shall we?" My heart is hammering against my ribcage as I fumble with the key in the lock. Gray waits patiently, and holds the door open when I finally get it unlocked. He follows me in, closing and locking the door behind him.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" I ask nervously.

"You never came to see me," Gray blurts out.

"Truthfully I was waiting to see if you'd come see me," I blush scarlet at my admission. This all sounded so much better when I wasn't telling someone else about it…

"Why?" Gray asks.

"Why not?" I level, finding my equilibrium.

"I don't want to stay away from you anymore," Gray says seriously looking into my eyes. He takes a step closer and I hold my breath.

"I don't want you to," I whisper my admission so quietly that I doubt he even heard me. Gray takes this cue to slowly take my hands and place them around his neck. He places his hands on my waist and leans in. This is a bad idea, I know it's a bad idea but the second his lips touch mine I'm lost, my lips moving with his and matching his rhythm. His lips become more urgent, more persistent against mine and he backs me against the couch, cradling me against him while he takes me down with him. My fingers knot in his hair as I pull him closer to me. I break the kiss panting loudly and Gray continues to kiss me; down my jaw, up and down my neck. "Do you really want to do this here?"

"Yes," Gray whispers against my neck as he kisses me softly. I close my eyes and for a moment, I'm lost in Gray's sweet kisses. I open my eyes and stare up at the roof, remembering how many times I've cried on this couch because of him. Abruptly I sit upright, my legs still wrapped around Gray.

"Wait, stop," Gray looks into my eyes, his own deep blue eyes full of alarm and concern.

"What's wrong?" He asks, gently smoothing the hair out of my face.

"As much as I want you right now I just can't," I move away from him before I can change my mind and wander around my kitchen. Gray stands, but doesn't move closer.

"Why not?"

"If I," I try to think of what to say, but my thoughts are scattered. Why not is a good question… I turn and grip the edge of the counter trying to gather my thoughts. "What if you-"

"Shhh," Gray wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my neck.

"Oh Gray," I sigh, turning to face him, but keeping a hand on his chest. "Don't do this. I don't know if I can handle it."

"Handle it?"

"I don't know how you'll feel in a few weeks. Who knows? Maybe for now things will work out fine and I'll get you for a little while. But if you change your mind again? I can't go through that again Gray," his brow creases as Gray contemplates this.

"Do you want me to be in your life?"

"More than anything. I'm just afraid that things will end up like-"

"I didn't stop talking to you last time because I didn't like you. It was the opposite, I didn't know how to react to all the feelings I had for you. I just needed, time."

"Yeah, well you sure took your time all right. Three years Gray? And I'm supposed to just accept that all that time you were thinking of me?"

"I thought about you every day," Gray looks hurt, but I can't back down now.

"Well I was always right here, where I've been all along."

"It's not like you tried either," Gray says angrily.

"Then I guess this is a mistake," the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"I guess it is."

"I'm not just going to service you and then be out of your life like last time."

"Service me?!" Gray is now clearly outraged.

"Well what was that on the couch?" I ask angrily.

"I thought, I don't know! You led me on."

"I led you on? Because I kissed you? What about all that time you led me on? Pretending to open up to me and I thought it was something special."

"It was special, I already told you-"

"Do you know how ridiculous this all sounds?" I ask incredulously.

"How ridiculous my feelings are?"

"Don't twist my words!" I'm almost shouting but I don't care.

"Do you want me to leave?" Gray asks, barely containing his anger. The blood drains from my cheeks, no don't leave. An idea comes to me.

"No," I reach out and stroke his arm, letting my fingers slip through his. Gray's eyes widen. He reaches out carefully, looking into my eyes, asking permission, before stroking my cheek with his fingertips. I lean into his hand. Suddenly he pulls me into a bone-crushing hug, burying his face in my hair.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay," I interrupt him, trying to hold back tears that threaten to overflow. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Gray pulls back, but doesn't let me go. Staring into his calm blue eyes it's easy to envision a future with him. I pull him close again and rest my head on his chest, sighing contentedly. Gray kisses the top of my head.

"I want you in my life I really do. It's just that-"

"If I leave again?"

"It would kill me Gray. If you cut yourself out of my life right now I don't think I could stay in Mineral Town. Not knowing how close you were." I am on the verge of sobbing, pulling in great gasps of air with each shuddering breath. Gray pulls away and tilts my chin up so that I'm forced to look at him.

"I won't."

"How do you-"

"Shhh," Gray whispers, effectively silencing me, pulling me close to him once more.

"Kai says that I can bring a date to the wedding," I blurt out. Am I asking Gray on a date? To a wedding no less?

"You know that being in the wedding party means I'm already forced to go," Gray says, but I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Yeah, I guess I did," I move away from Gray, sitting sideways on the couch so that he can't sit directly next to me. To my surprise he mirrors my actions, so that we are facing each other.

"I have an idea," Gray says hesitantly.

"What?"

"For a date."

"Are you asking me out?"

"I- yes," Gray says plainly. Wow, my first official date in Mineral Town.

"When?"

"Tomorrow, after the wedding."

"Won't that be kind of late?"

"I'll have you home at a decent time," Gray says earnestly.

"Okay, as long as I'm home before twelve!" I say, trying to look stern. Gray's face twists, trying hard to hide his smile.

"Before twelve," he agrees.

"So what are we doing?"

"It's going to be a surprise."

"I hate surprises," I pout.

"You hate surprises or waiting for them when you know they're coming?"

"Both," I say sourly.

"Maybe you'll like this one," Gray says as he stands.

"You're leaving?" I ask, immediately standing.

"Well it's almost midnight. Almost past your bedtime," Gray smiles broadly, no longer even trying to hide his amusement.

"Don't make fun of me!" I scowl.

"I'm not, just making an observation about the time," Gray says innocently. "We both have to be up early tomorrow anyways."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I trail off, feeling an odd emptiness.

"Do you want me to stay?" Do I want him to stay? A large part of me screams yes, but what would everyone else think?

"I-" I can't get out a sentence. I don't even know what to say.

"I think it will be better if we take things slow," Gray smiles, moving closer and pressing his lips to my forehead. Take things slow? "I'm sure Kai and Cliff will be expecting me in the morning."

"I'll see you at the wedding?" I ask hopefully, following him to the door.

"Unless you decide not to go," Gray says.

"I have to go. Popuri will drag me there herself," I shudder and Gray laughs.

"You really think Popuri would notice you weren't there?" Gray asks.

"Well, no. She seemed pretty happy with me tonight though."

"Right, how could I forget? Claire: farmer and wedding planner," Gray laughs. I scowl and open the door gesturing for him to leave. Gray's smile fades and he closes the door, leaving one hand on it leaning in closer and closer. I close my eyes in anticipation but his lips never find mine. I open my eyes to find Gray smiling, so close I can feel his breath on my nose. I scowl and step back but stumble over my own feet, falling backwards. Gray catches me and I look into his perfect calm, stoic eyes. They give nothing away. As I start to lean forward Gray swiftly sets me upright, and opens the door. "See you tomorrow."

And just like that, he's gone. I stand, shocked and unable to move. I don't know how long I stand waiting for my jumbled thoughts to make some sort of sense but when I finally come around, I march angrily to the bathroom. I stand in the shower, letting the warm water run over my hypersensitive skin. I am frustrated, frustrated he didn't kiss me, frustrated he didn't tell me what we were going to do and in my frustration I realize that this is probably what he wanted. Determined not to let him get the better of me I quickly get ready for bed and try to rid myself of all thoughts of Gray. I wake several times in the night, unable to stop thinking.


	10. Chapter 10

Four thirty and I'm still not dressed. My hair won't lay flat, choosing today of all days to become frizzy and wavy. I look in the mirror at my too pale face that accents the purple circles forming around my eyes. Damn, I did not get enough sleep last night. I quickly plaster on some makeup in hopes that I can bring some life to my face. I put on my dress, a simple purple dress with one strap made of purple flowers. It's not anything fancy, but it will do for this wedding. Truthfully, Mineral Town weddings are pretty non-formal as far as weddings go. And for reasons I'll never understand there was some rule that you had to get married a week or less after you were engaged. There's a knock at the door; odd I wasn't expecting anyone. I hope Kai hasn't gotten cold feet. It's a little late for that. To my surprise I find Gray, looking stunning in a black suit.

"Hi, you look great," I murmur shyly. "Do you want to come in?"

"Sure," Gray smiles, but something about it is off. It doesn't reach his eyes. "You look beautiful Claire."

"Thank you," I beam at him. "Do you want something to drink?"

"No thank you," Gray paces absentmindedly beside the window. "I actually came to give you something."

"Give me something?" I can't hide my surprise. What could he give me?

"I- it's, well, it's," Gray stops pacing and stares out the window. His hands are in his pockets and I can see him fidgeting with something. "Don't take it negatively okay?"

"What is it Gray?" Gray turns so that he's facing me.

"I, well I made you something," he hesitates before producing a gold and blue shiny object from his pocket. I move closer to examine it. "I remember that you once said the beach was your favorite place because of the birds. Because the birds were free to spread their wings and flying must be exhilarating and you wished you could fly away like a bird. Well, I hope you don't, but I made you this so you can always have a piece of your favorite place with you."

"Gray, this is," I am at a loss for words. Upon examining the object I recognize it as a hair comb, with long gold combs and intricate opal birds with what looks like blue waves underneath them. It's expertly crafted and I can't believe he actually remembered that.

"I know it's kind of childish but-"

"No, it's not at all. I love it! Thank you so much!" I pull a relieved Gray into a hug, and I'm surprised at how right it feels to be in his arms. He pulls away and carefully inserts the comb into my hair, sweeping it off my shoulder.

"We should go now, it's almost five thirty," Gray says glancing at the clock.

"Is that the time?" I cry, and quickly grab my wrap and clutch. Gray smiles and we head off to the church.

I sit in the cold pew all by myself at the back of the church; various people who've come to watch Kai and Popuri finally tie the knot have taken all of the other seats. Lillia and Rick are at the front with Kai, Cliff, and Gray, and Rick looks like he's going to be sick. Karen is talking to him, seemingly trying to calm him down. I almost feel sorry for him, and then remember his tyranny over his sister and I don't feel so bad.

"Claire! Claire!" I turn just in time to catch Ann in a hug.

"Shouldn't you be with Popuri?" I ask.

"Yes, but I haven't seen you in so long! I wanted to make sure you were doing okay. How are you?" Ann can't hide her concern.

"I'm fine Ann."

"Gray is here," Ann says casually.

"I know."

"Of course you do!" Ann winks.

"Oh Ann, if this is some sort of attempt to-"

"Ann? ANN! Where are you?" I hear Popuri squawk.

"You'd better not keep her waiting," I suppress a smile.

"Oooh I'll be so glad when this wedding is over. She's impossible to please," Ann grumbles as she walks away. She's just figuring this out now? Popuri is always impossible to please. The ceremony starts and all too soon my friend is married. Ann and Gray follow behind Kai and Popuri. After their departure from the church a gaggle of guests frantically shove their way out of the church. Sighing, I sit down and decide it's probably better to wait it out.

"That was some ceremony huh?"

"Oh, hi Cliff," I say brightly, Cliff starting a conversation, let alone talking to me is novel. It must be something important.

"You're friends with Ann right?" Cliff looks anxiously into my eyes.

"Of course I am Cliff, you know that."

"But you're close? You tell each other everything?"

"What is it Cliff?"

"How does she feel about me?" Cliff looks like he's going to be sick, pasty and clammy.

"She loves you," I say without a smile. Not because I'm not happy for her, but because Cliff is a serious person who expects serious answers.

"Really?" Cliff jumps and his face is elated.

"Why wouldn't she?" I ask, smiling.

"That's great!" Cliff continues smiling, looking like he's just won the lottery.

"What are you two doing in here? The party's outside!" Carter interrupts just before I can ask Cliff why he wanted to know. Cliff follows Carter out of the church and I quickly gather my things.

"I didn't know you and Cliff were such good friends," I look up to see Gray standing over me. Where did he come from?

"Neither did I," Gray doesn't smile.

"He's going to propose to Ann."

"What?! Cliff?" I ask, shocked. Cliff, proposing to Ann when he can barely get a sentence out straight around her or any girl for that matter.

"Yes, that's what I said," Gray says irritably. I wonder what his problem is.

"Should we go join the others?" I ask. Gray reaches out for my hand and I willingly give it to him. He raises it to his lips and gently kisses it. I can't stop the stupid grin that erupts on my face. As we walk down the road to the Inn I loop my arm through his. Gray grins down at me.

"We don't have much time to socialize today, we'll need to be gone in half an hour," Gray says apologetically.

"Oh, why?"

"That's when our date begins," Gray says apprehensively. I wonder briefly if he's changed his mind but before I have a chance to ask Gray opens the door to the Inn and ushers me in. It's bursting with people all noisily and happily chattering.

"Claire! Claire!" Ann comes barreling up to me. "Did you like the wedding? You did a great job on the dress! You look good too!"

"Thanks, how is Popuri?" I ask.

"Very happy," Ann smiles and I know that despite how demanding Popuri can be Ann is genuinely happy for her friend.

"I'm going to get a drink, do you two want anything?" Gray interrupts us.

"No thanks," Ann replies pleasantly, beaming at him. Gray looks at me.

"Maybe just some water?" I try my best to smile, but his eyes burn into me with an intensity that cuts through everything. It might as well just be the two of us in this room full of people. I let out a breath as he walks away, quickly turning my attention back to Ann who is eyeing me suspiciously.

"So you and Gray…?" Ann asks raising an eyebrow.

"We have a date tonight," I reply.

"You do?" Ann's voice shoots up eight octaves and her face lights up like she's just won the lottery.

"Don't make a big deal of it," I plead.

"This is a big deal! What are you doing?"

"It's a surprise," I sigh.

"Gray planned a surprise for you?" Before Ann can pursue this line of questioning Cliff comes towards us.

"Excuse me Claire but can I borrow Ann?" Cliff tries his best to smile but I can tell he has a major case of the nerves. He's going to propose to her now?

"Of course," I smile warmly at Cliff, and Ann takes his extended hand. I watch as the two disappear through the crowd.

"Your water," Gray is at my side, offering me a glass. I take it and hastily drink.

"What are you drinking?" I ask, unable to think of anything else to say. Gray is interrupted by May who bounds up to him and tugs on his sleeve.

"Hello big A!" May beams up at Gray then looks at me. "Hello big sister!"

"Hi May," I smile back at her.

"Hello little A," Gray says affectionately. Big A, little A? What is that all about?

"I'm bored," May states.

"Why don't you go find Stu?" Gray asks.

"Because me and Stu broke up," May looks angry and I have to stifle a laugh.

"Stu and I," Gray corrects her. "What happened?"

"I was supposed to be the flower girl but Stu dumped out all my petals," May tries to hide tears that threaten. I look apprehensively at Gray. How is he going to handle this?

"Well maybe Stu wanted to sit by you so badly he knew if you were the flower girl you wouldn't be able to," Gray says.

"That's a stupid reason big A," May pouts.

"Are you going to forgive Stu?" Gray asks.

"Not yet," May tries her best to look serious, but even Gray can't contain his smile.

"I think you should. He looks so lonely over there all by himself," Gray points to a table where Stu is sitting looking like he's going to cry.

"He does look lonely," May says quietly. She looks up at Gray who nods and she bolts across the room, flinging herself at Stu who tries very hard to look displeased but the smile on his face betrays it.

"I didn't know you liked kids?" I turn to Gray.

"What's not to like," Gray says sarcastically. "Saibara and Barley are good friends." Gray shrugs.

"Big A and little A?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Our names both end with –ay," Gray sounds annoyed, but I want to know. Why have nicknames for someone who was your grandfather's friend?

"Gray," A familiar gruff voice rises above the chatter. "It's time."

"Hello Saibara," I smile cheerfully. I love the old man, even if he is rough around the edges.

"Claire," Saibara grunts, nodding in my general direction.

"We'll be with you shortly, I have to take Claire home to change," Gray says to Saibara.

"Claire is coming too?" Saibara's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"Yes," Gray says simply. I get the feeling that Saibara wants to argue, but he holds his tongue. Saibara nods and walks away. I almost laugh, but think better of it. Saibara, on a day he's actually combed his long unruly hair, is a sight.

"What are we doing? And why do I have to change?" I ask Gray, who is already taking my half empty glass away from me.

"You'll see," Gray says cryptically. "Time to go."

We walk in comfortable silence on the way to my house. It's a beautiful day despite the snow; the sun is shining and there's a hint of spring in the crisp air. Finally on my property, I throw open the unlocked door to my house. Gray stands outside the house glaring at me disapprovingly.

"What?" I ask, my tone slightly more annoyed than I am.

"You should lock your door."

"I think I'm pretty safe. I know everybody here and I'm sure none of them would break in. There's nothing to take anyways," I roll my eyes at Gray, who continues to look at me in disapproval. "Are you going to stand out there until I've changed or are you going to come in?" Gray petulantly stalks through the door. I slam it shut behind him. "What should I wear?"

"Whatever you want," Gray says earnestly.

"Well what would be appropriate?" I ask.

"Something warm," Gray says absentmindedly, kicking off his shoes and sauntering into my living room.

"Okay, I'll be right back. Make yourself at home," I say sarcastically. Gray turns around and grins at me. I quickly disappear into my bedroom before I succumb to giggling like a schoolgirl. I quickly pick out a soft pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt. I hastily change and make my way to the living room. Gray is sitting on my couch, looking so incredibly hot in his suit. "Is this acceptable?"

"Don't you have a coat?"

"It's not that cold out," I scoff. I do work outside everyday after all.

"It's going to be colder where we're going," Gray argues, his brow furrowing.

"Well maybe if you told me where we were going," I prod him for information.

"I can't tell you that," Gray shrugs. I roll my eyes.

"I'm sure this is good enough." Gray's lips press into a hard line but he doesn't argue.

"Suit yourself. Don't complain if you're cold," Gray saunters towards the door. Jeez, if he keeps this up we're not going to make it through the date. What is his problem?

"I wouldn't dream of it," I mutter, stalking through the door that Gray has opened for me. I take a few steps before realizing he's not following me. He's looking at me expectantly, standing outside the door.

"Keys?"

"Oh for heavens sake!" I throw my hands in the air and march back inside, finding the keys on the kitchen counter and hastily locking the door on my way out. "Happy now?"

I follow Gray through town to the beach in silence. He's silently brooding about something, but I don't care to ask him. It would only sour his mood further. Saibara and Jeff are already at the beach as we arrive, Saibara looking somewhat impatient.

"It's about time," Saibara barks.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Gray apologizes sourly. I can feel his resentment radiating towards me.

"Jeff and I have set up the boats, do you think you can handle one by yourself?" Saibara asks. Boats? What are we going to be doing? Maybe I should have worn different clothes…

"Of course I can," Gray snaps. I hold my breath waiting for Saibara's retort, but the old man only nods.

"Good," and with that he turns and heads for the docks.

"Hello Claire, it's nice to see you," Jeff says pleasantly.

"You too! Nice to have a day off?" I ask.

"It wasn't really a day off, I've been helping Saibara all day," Jeff trails off. "We should probably get going."

I quickly look up at Gray's face; he's watching me carefully. Crap. I duck away from him and follow Jeff towards the dock. Saibara is already sitting impatiently in a small motorboat. Jeff gets into the boat with Saibara. I jump as Gray's hand touches my back. I try to brush it off as nothing and let him help me into the boat on the opposite side of the dock reserved for us. Gray gets in after me and starts casting off before turning on the engine.

"You know how to drive one of these things?" I ask, not quite sure what I'm supposed to be expecting. It's comfortable, with large leather seats. The bow is open with seating all around and there is a bench for more people to sit behind my chair.

"Yep," is the last thing Gray says before the engine roars to life, and I can't hear anything else. Gray steers the boat and it moves smoothly and easily under his command. We take off, and I get a giddy feeling, the wind blowing my hair back; it's exhilarating, just like I imagine a bird would feel flying. I remember the comb Gray made for me and I can't contain my glee anymore; I'm grinning from ear to ear with enthusiasm. It's a beautiful night out on the water, which is perfectly flat. There are no clouds in the sky and the sun is dipping below the water throwing a spectacular array of blues and purples into a perfectly harmonious sunset. I briefly allow myself to fantasize that tonight is going to be the perfect night, but as I turn to look at Gray, his jaw taught with tension, I am abruptly brought back to reality. And the truth of that is Gray is a seriously complicated person. Do I really want that? I look out over the water and contemplate this as we continue a few more miles out. I can't even see the shoreline anymore. Gray slows the boat to a halt and shutting off the engine, turns to me. "You look happy."

"I am, although you don't look so happy," I note. Gray sighs and looks out over the water.

"May understands what it's like," Gray begins quietly. What is he talking about? And what could a six year old possibly understand? "Her mother just left her with Barley, without even saying goodbye. At least May never knew her mother. She couldn't really miss someone she never knew. I was young and stupid and angry with my father for leaving me out here in the boonies. And mad at him for what he did to me. My grandpa couldn't control me I was out of control. When Joanna left May here she was just a baby. Grandpa thought it was a good opportunity for me to do something constructive instead of destructive for a change. At first I hated her, I often had to change diapers and it was a lot of work. But Barley couldn't do it by himself, and I knew Grandpa would kill me if I didn't help out. One night May asked Barley when her mother was coming home. I sat with her all night while she cried herself to sleep and I realized we had a lot more in common then I'd thought. She wasn't just somebody else's baby they dumped on me, May was a lonely kid homesick for her mother."

"It sounds like you were a great role model for May," I smile, trying to process all of this information. "It's great that she has someone like you in her life to look up to."

"I never want kids, I never want to let them down the way my father or May's mother let me down."

"I don't think you would. You and May seem very close," I point out. Gray shakes his head.

"May isn't my responsibility."

"But you feel responsible for her," I can tell just listening to him, Gray loves that little girl, maybe not to the extent that he thinks of her as his own child, but definitely in a big brotherly way.

"It's not the same," Gray struggles for words, but gives up and looks away from me. Suddenly the corners of his mouth lift into a soft smile. "When May was learning to talk she couldn't pronounce my name, so she used to just call me Ay."

"And both your names end in –ay so, big a and little a," I finish for him. Gray finally turns to look at me. His eyes pierce into mine with an intensity I've never experienced before. Just as he is about to say something the hum of an engine draws close and I can hear Saibara shouting.

"Gray! GRAY! It's almost time!" Saibara is wearing a bright yellow life jacket and yelling at the top of his lungs, clinging to the boat as if it might disappear at any moment.

"Okay, nine o'clock?" Gray asks calmly, not yelling at all. Saibara turns to Jeff who nods, then back to us.

"Yes!" Saibara continues to yell. I have to stifle a giggle at the old man. Jeff drives away again and I watch as the boat disappears into the horizon.

"They look like they're going so far away," I comment absentmindedly.

"It's not as far as you think," Gray says. "It's getting dark now, just about time."

"Time for what? I think I've waited long enough now don't you think? You've already got me all the way out here," I point out. Gray grins at me and heads to the back of the boat, where he lifts the platform to reveal the source of tonight's entertainment. My eyes shoot up to his and I find him smiling from ear to ear, excited as a boy on Christmas. "This is what we'll be doing tonight."


	11. Chapter 11

"Is it safe?" Light blue eyes stare up at me, apprehension etched on Claire's face. I have to stifle a laugh.

"I'm certified to launch these Claire. You're safe with me," Quickly the atmosphere in the boat changes, to what I'm not sure. Claire seems deep in though, as if pondering the key to life. "Claire?"

"I was so not expecting this," all she can do is blink up at me with a dazed look on her face. What is she thinking about? Claire looks back down at the packages and suddenly back up at me, a mischievous smile on her face. "Are you going to let me light one?"

"Well," I hesitate, even though I already know the answer is no. "It isn't really safe for someone who hasn't been properly trained in the safety protocols…"

"You're with me! I'll be fine," the trust she instills in me is overwhelming. I've already done so much wrong by her… Would letting her do this make it right? "Why are we lighting fireworks anyway? I thought the fireworks festival was in the summer?"

"Popuri wanted them," I answer curtly. What Kai ever saw in Popuri I will never know.

"That's so romantic," Claire gushes dreamily. She quickly recovers herself, blushing scarlet and looking away from me. "I just mean it's a cute idea. For a wedding you know."

"I don't," Claire stares up at me, dumbfounded. Truthfully, I'm not good with words and in turn crap at romance.

"Well, are we going to light these or what?" Claire asks, changing the subject entirely. I breath an inward sigh of relief, it's easier to talk about fireworks than all that mushy stuff.

"We have to set them up on the platform, or they'll spark all over the carpet. I'll do it," Claire nods in agreement and watches while I position a few on the platform at the back of the boat. "Okay all set."

"So which one do I get to light?" Claire asks excitedly, climbing over and sitting on the back of the bench next to me. Her aquamarine eyes beg me to let her light one.

"Look Claire, I just don't think it's a good idea. What if we get caught? It's illegal. Besides, I-" I reach for my hat and curse myself when I realize it's not there. I swallow and force myself to choke out the words. "I don't want you to get hurt."

I sound like a fool, but she doesn't seem to mind. "That's very sweet of you, but-" Claire is drowned out by the deafening bang of a bright green firework. I know I should start lighting mine, but I'm quite caught up in watching Claire. Her face is alight with childlike wonder. Her blond hair falls in waves around her shoulders and without thinking I brush it behind her ear. Claire turns into my hand and her eyes widen slightly. Before I can stop myself I plant a soft kiss on her lips.

"We should start on those fireworks now," I say, beginning to turn away. Claire's hands find their way onto either side of my face and I let her guide my lips back to hers. I sigh and wrap my arms around her, overwhelmed by how right it feels to be with Claire.


End file.
